I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
