he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
