I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
