every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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