Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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