Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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