I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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