That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
