using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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