Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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