almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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