Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
