I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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