You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
