I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
FUCK WHALES
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
