Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
