and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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