Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
