Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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