we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
