I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
