He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
