you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
ttyl tear gas
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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