just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
