Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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