I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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