hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize