I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
