When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You were trust falling into bushes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
