Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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