Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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