Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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