my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
