I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
its liver damage thursday
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
