no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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