my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize