Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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