I wish i was in the wii world.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
