I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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