My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
