Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
