I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
