I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
