i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
