you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
