I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
