I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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