I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
