There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
