Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize