I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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