1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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