I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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