Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize