Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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