I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
