someone get that fucking seahorse.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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