Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize