She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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