dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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