That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
