is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
