I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
