there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
