using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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