lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
