so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
