guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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