i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
