Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize