I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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