I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize