I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
