On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
