So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
