Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
