There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
