after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
