I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
