We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize