Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
